What to Do with a Difficult Member of Your Bridal Party

Your bridesmaids are your best friends, your lifelong pals and your family. Sometimes, unfortunately, they can also be your problem. While you’re in heaven over your upcoming nuptials, bridesmaids can be competitive or jealous. Unless you address the situation immediately, it can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and damaged relationships. Here, some thoughtful ideas.

Make sure, first of all, that all your bridesmaids and your Maid of Honor truly want to be in your wedding. When you approach each girl, don’t assume that they’re going to be thrilled about taking part. Being a bridesmaid takes a lot of time, energy, and money. If they have reservations, never push them into taking the “job,” and never take it personally if they decline.

What you need to know is why your bridesmaids are unhappy, and to recognize the signals. If a bridesmaid starts missing fittings or lunches or keeps complaining about her dress, chances are something else is bothering her. Instead of getting steamed at her unsupportive nature, call her up and offer to take her out to lunch or coffee—alone. Once you’re together, ask what’s bothering her, and tell her upfront that if she has any reservations about being in your wedding, you need to know.

One of the most common reasons bridesmaids are unhappy is jealousy; perhaps they resent your wedding because it serves as a reminder that they’ve never found the right guy. Be especially sensitive to this issue when it’s your Maid of Honor. If you both had a pact that you’d be there for each other’s wedding, she might get angry that you’re first to walk down the aisle. Or if she’s already married, she may be comparing your wedding plans to what she did, and feel completive. 

If you suspect any of these issues with any member of the wedding party, talk about it. Make sure you let her know how much you love and cherish her friendship, and that your new life will still involve her. Make a point of spending some alone time with her before your big day; maybe a spa day, drinks, or just a night together watching movies.

Other complications for bridesmaids are money and “bridesmaid fatigue.” Some women have been bridesmaids so many times, they have a collection of outfits shoved in the back of their closet. If one of your bridesmaids has been in numerous weddings, take that into consideration when asking her to be in your wedding. Financially, your wedding is going to involve time and money. If someone in your party is struggling financially, she might be too embarrassed to admit it, and she might not want to hurt your feelings. Should a bridesmaid lose her job during your engagement, or have a big conflict—separation, illness in the family—approach her about the situation. You should never be angry when a friend or loved one doesn’t want to be in your wedding. Instead, be grateful that they told you why. On the big day, you’ll both be all that much happier.

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